Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
