you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
