She said her name was "party"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
