dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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