if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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