I smell stomach acid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
