Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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