i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
