I've blown a few things in my day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
