I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Randomize
