i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm always down for nudity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
