who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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