I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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