For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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