So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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