My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bring me that man meat
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
