I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
