you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
