my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
