if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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