I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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