The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My balls are so social today.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
