im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
