My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
