In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
