i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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