idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
