I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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