I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
