I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
