Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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