This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
