I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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