I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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