oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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