you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
