wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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