I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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