what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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