look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I supernannyed him into submission
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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