Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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