I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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