She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
