I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
