dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
