Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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