I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
