So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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