Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
