The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize