Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
