We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
