Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
