I'm lost and stupid without you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
