i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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