Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We are all done wearing pants today
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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