Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
