yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
