You made me cry and you don't even care
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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