Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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